Ancient Fight
The last thing you probably need right now is to hear from a crying artifact far from land, a negging reminder like me. Negging. Have you ever heard of such a thing as that? A word for something we might have avoided confronting our entire lives. It’s funny that I became the epitome of a coping mechanism used by all the men that I attracted. I became it when I still loved them even after they discarded me, threw me in the sea of mysterious pain. The sea that Poseidon and all the villainous sirens did endow me my gift – my ability to tell you without telling you; I will show the whole wreaking, thought-polluted world.
First, I have to admit that I finally realized how stupid I’ve been. So, yeah. You were right when you implied it again and again in the tiny subtle ways you put me down. You told me without telling me, didn’t you? That I needed to better protect myself from the one-eyed pirates and greedy sharks. “I’m not a good guy,” you argued when I turned up covered in hooks, guts of unknown aquatic life, and sea salt tears. That, I will say you’re still wrong. You are a good guy. You’ve just been stupid. Really stupid like me. Hurting. Just searching for the light poking through the dark leagues we’ve sunken down in as a means to hide, a way of traversing through the spiraling emotional dimensions that conceived themselves in our fight for survival, the sparkling specks just teasing us because we haven’t been able to really touch them, a source of imagined and temporary happiness.
The tears just start to blend in with the turbid depths we embrace so that no one can really touch or see them. We even begin to forget that they are there, bleeding them into the water like a wounded octopus – having developed such a complex nervous system over millions of years.
Our fight is ancient. But, what if I told you I realized that we don’t need to fight anymore? I won’t deny the fight isn’t what changed me for the better.
The poking and struggling trapped me until I came face to face with my own reflection; I’d been caught in a net the whole time, wrestling with myself. Our nets just got tangled up long enough for us to realize there was something wrong. And I’ll always be so grateful for that. I hope that you’ve stopped fighting with yourself. The heavy nets can really play games with our minds. I hope that you find that everything in life doesn’t need to be a constant war. We ripped our nets apart with our bare teeth, deciding that sinking wouldn’t be an option for two stars like us. For quite some time I called out for you in the dark, thinking that you’d abandoned me instead of focusing on what you made possible. But it was you. You all along that helped me to escape. We helped each other just by showing each other that we were both trapped. I pray that every day you will look around and see that even if we can’t touch the light, we can become it, and always find our way back to shore; if you ever find yourself sinking – stay calm, lean back, tread lightly, and breathe. Wherever the waves take us, I love you.
🙏 best wishes!
